i wish i could run
by prettypinklips
Summary: They just can't seem to get it right. -— Damon/Caroline. Complete


**i wish i could run**

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—

He watches her sometimes, when he knows she's not looking. He likes to imagine laugh lines surrounding her pretty pink lips, crow's feet decorating her _Disney_ princess eyes, wrinkles wrapping around her forehead. This always happens when she's in his peripherals, and she always is. Sometimes he sees a baby bump, sometimes he sees a few strands of grey hair. But then she'll turn, and he'll look away.

Because she's seventeen again. And she always will be.

Caroline catches him sometimes. She lifts a perfectly manicured brow, daring him to say something because when he's around her he falls victim to that old foot-in-mouth illness. She calls it the "stupid disease". (But really, when he's insulting her cuticles and telling her that her nose is too big, he's really saying _can I hold your hand _and _can I kiss your nose pretty please._) She'll glare at him, and dash his hopes of a normal conversation and then Elena will walk by and he'll tear his eyes from Caroline because that's what they do.

He pretends he loves Elena because pretending he loves Elena is easier than admitting he loves Caroline, easier than admitting he destroyed the life of the perfect girl. It's easier than waking up each day and knowing that there's a girl out there who _hates_ him, hates him more than Bonnie or Katherine, and it's easier than knowing that she has a right to hate him. She has every right in the world.

—

When he jumps in front of her and Tyler lands on him instead, he catches her eye and she looks terrified.

He doesn't delude himself into thinking she's scared because he might die.

—

She watches Tyler's teeth sink into his arm and imagines herself in his place.

—

Caroline visits him on the day of his death.

She sits beside him on his bed and tells him silly stories and asks him questions about 1864 and it's all_how are you feeling _and _can I get you anything _and finally, _I'm sorry _and _thank you. _She cries and she's probably the ugliest crier in the world but he doesn't really care because she's here and she's telling him she's sorry and she's thankful. Thankful he was willing to die for her.

She sits with him until the very end, and then she kisses him.

She whispers, "Thank you." and he only nods because he can't speak.

Then Katherine is there and Caroline is gone and he's alive.

—

They dance around each other after that.

He paces and pours over maps and wonders just where in the hell Stefan could be and she deludes herself into thinking Tyler could be her future when she has no future. She only has _right now_and _today._

They just can't seem to get it right.

Weeks go by and they continue to gaze at each other out of the corners of their eyes and it's all just very repetitive and it makes her want to cry and scream and beg him to admit that he loves her and not Elena because that's all she wants to hear. (Just once she wants to hear that she comes before Elena.)

But he doesn't and he's back to being the Damon that makes her want to stake herself.

She sets out to forget that he saved her life because she wouldn't have needed his saving if he had just left her alone in the first place.

—

She finds out Elena kissed him from Bonnie.

It's not fair. _She _kissed him first, _she _held his hand when he was dying, _she she she she. _Not Elena.

Elena kissed him when she found out that Stefan had been responsible for a string of deaths spanning across four states.

Suddenly everyone is like _DamonElenaStefan, those three just can't seem to figure it out._

She locks herself in her room after that and plugs her ear buds in. She blasts Taylor Swift because she's pissed and sad and mad and feels like crying all at the same time and she's a teenage girl and it's expected.

Her phone buzzes constantly and it's probably just Tyler or Bonnie so she doesn't look at it. Soon the buzz starts interrupting _Back to December _and it pisses her off all over again. She grabs her phone, half wanting to launch it across the room when his name flashes across the screen. She opens the phone and holds it to her ear, not daring to say a word.

He says, "I didn't kiss her back."

Not _I want to kiss you _or_ I love you._

She hangs up.

—

Stefan's back.

Stefan's back and he's pissed because Elena told him she couldn't be with him anymore because she loves Damon and she's just being stupid.

Damon thinks she shouldn't be allowed to voice her emotions.

Stefan turns to him before he leaves the boarding house after Elena's sudden and stupid outburst of a love confession.

"Isn't this what you've always wanted?" Stefan asks, his brown eyes shining with un-shed tears, his head tilted to the side.

"No." he breathes in return, but Stefan's already gone.

—

Elena kisses him and he kisses back this time.

—

Caroline avoids them both like the plague until he's had enough of it.

Elena won't leave him alone and all he can think about is how her lips are too thin, her eyebrows are too thick, her face is too thin, her nose is too perfect, _she's too perfect and not at all what he wants._

Elena pounces on him while he's trying to reach Stefan and beg him to come back. She presses her nose against his cheek and breathes, "Stefan."

It seems they've both been fooling themselves.

He pushes Elena off of him and is out the door before she has time to react or correct her mistake.

—

He finds her in the most cliché place. The Grille.

She's perched at the bar, legs crossed over each other, staring at the counter.

He sits beside her. "You've been avoiding me." he says.

"Yes." she agrees.

"Why?"

She turns to him then, her lips tilting up, "You really don't know, do you?"

She leaves.

—

It takes him a minute and a half to realize what she'd meant.

He launches himself from his bar stool and tears out of the door, calling for her to wait. She's walking down the sidewalk, arms wrapped around herself when he catches up to her. He grabs her elbow, pulling her to a harsh stop.

"I didn't know." he whispers.

"I didn't either. Not until Klaus and Stefan and Tyler." she says, looking at the ground. Looking at anything but him.

"Elena?" she prompts.

"Who?" he humors her. Her lips quirk.

"I still hate you." she says, and he nods in agreement.

"I still think you're an annoying twit and I should have killed you a long time ago." he responds.

"But you love me?" she questions, finally looking up at him, her lower lip caught between her teeth. She knows he doesn't have the guts to come out with it himself.

"Yes." he murmurs, and that's that.

Caroline kisses him then and all he can think is that her face fits perfectly in his hands, and her lips are just right, and her nose bumps his and it's the perfect size, and she's perfect but not really and he wonders why he let himself be without this for so long.

She pulls away, her nose pressing against his for just a moment before she steps back. He stares at her for a moment, and then her tiny hand is coming up and slapping him. "_Hey!_" he barks. "What was that for?"

She shrugs, "You kind of deserve it."

He rubs his cheek and can't help but agree. But then she's taking his hand and entwining their fingers and it's just like a _Lifetime _movie or something except way less corny. It's certainly not perfect, but...it's okay for him. He's pretty sure that's not the last slap he'll get, but if she keeps kissing the way she does, he can overlook that.

_fin._


End file.
